Time Heals
by freecleo
Summary: "..no matter how much it stings looking back on it, you can't help looking back." - maybe that's a tad misleading?


The words had fallen off my tongue before I could process them in my mind.

"I don't think I can be with you anymore."

His eyes sunk. They began to water, but it quickly evaporated.

He almost seemed angry now.

It wasn't what I wanted to happen.

Oh, God knows it wasn't what I wanted to happen. I wanted Eli and me to go to the dance together, to talk, and to kiss.

And I didn't want Fitz to get in the way of any of this.

But he did.

And now, it's all over.

He turned away from me, looking angry, and almost a tiny bit scared. He exhaled loudly and he closed his eyes. Simpson came up to us lecturing us, and I fessed up to everything I'd done.

Since this night was already hell, I might as well be thorough.

Simpson says something about being disappointed in us, and I can't listen. My thoughts are plugging up my ears, making it impossible to hear anyone but myself.

At least he's alive.

He's still standing there, as if he's waiting for me to say something.

Or maybe he's waiting to say something.

I wish my mom would hurry up and get here.

It's getting dark, and she's still not here.

I saw Alli get escorted out by her brother and her father.

She's been crying, I can see that.

It's something that I wish I could do right now.

Cry, that is.

I wish I could let it all out, let out exactly how I'm feeling.

But I can't.

Cause he's still standing there. Eyes closed. Breathing.

Waiting.

We're the only two still there.

My mom still hasn't come.

Finally, Eli turns around.

Eyes still sunken, sadness and anger in his eyes.

"You need a ride?" He asked, trying to smile.

It's not working.

I bite my thumbnail, trying to process if I should ride with him.

In the end, I agree. It's dark, and cold- and I don't want to be here all night.

So I go with him, and he takes my hand. I let him.

Because even if I can't be with him right now, doesn't mean I don't want to be. And just because I can't be with him right now doesn't erase what we've had, or what we've gone through together.

I've learned that no matter how much you wish you could erase the past, you can't. And no matter how much it stings looking back on it, you can't help looking back.

It's like when you're a child, and you're sitting on the top of the Ferris wheel, feet dangling. And you're father looks over to you and says, "Don't look down."

You have to look down.

And the second you do, you regret it. But from that moment on, you have to look down.

Just like I'll always have to look back on that memory with Eli, and remember the utter terror I experienced, and re-live it, all over again.

We get to his car, and he pulls me inside. We sit there for a while, with the car turned off.

No music, no talking, no sound.  
No life.

"I'm sorry." He says, quietly, still holding on to my hand. His face has exactly one tear stain, running down his cheek.

I wonder how long it's been there.

I wonder what it feels like.

Absentmindedly, I reach up to touch it.

He doesn't flinch, or back away. He stays solid, like a rock, unmoving and unfeeling.

It feels dry, like the rest of his face. Like it's not even there.

Like it's a dream.

I almost feel like that's what this night has been in my life.

Stained forever in my memory, like the tear stain on his face.

Dry to the touch, but filled with emotion.

I remove my hand, almost embarrassed.

Finally, he turns to me, green eyes shining. But shining in a way they've never shone before. Not out of clear joy, not out of pure amusement, but his green eyes shone, solely because it seemed like it was the only thing that kept him alive.

I wanted to heal him, but I couldn't.

I wanted to mend what I had broken, but sometimes you can't.

I wanted to take it all back, but I knew that I shouldn't.

I kissed him, then.

First on his tear stain, then on his lips.

I was trembling. Trembling to be standing in this moment.

I had never felt so much.

I had never known so little about myself.

He kissed me back, lightly at first- slowly evolving into more.

We kissed to scare away the demons in our memories, to take away the fear that we both were reliving.

To relieve our pain, and bandage the wounds we'd have forever.

He backed away, slowly breathing. I mimicked the motion, staring into his eyes.

"You don't think you can be with me anymore?" He asked, his green eyes flickering.

I couldn't tell him how I felt. I couldn't let him know.

Because I didn't know if anyone would understand.

I stared at him, trying to let him know through the visual embrace what I wanted to tell him so badly.

His mouth softened, lips- urging me to kiss them.

I don't answer.

He slowly backs away, driving me home.

I sit in the car a second longer in my driveway, wanting to say something.

I looked at Eli, and he looked at me, our eyes- making that intense connection we'd always had.

"Give us time." I said, and I left.

Sometimes, I thought, walking up to the driveway, wounds need to heal on their own. Nothing could heal them but the hands on the clocks, or the flipping of a calendar.

I knew that Eli and I would get back together.

I think he knew it to.

But, just for this night- I'd let the time do the healing.


End file.
